C A R A M E L coated

TV/Film Quotes

The Royal Family

My Family

The Mummy/The Mummy Returns

Coronation Street

The Breakfast Club

Cats The Musical

Cool Runnings

Finding Nemo

Ice Age

Monsters Inc

Moulin Rouge

Operation Dumbo Drop

Phantom Of The Opera

Pirates Of The Caribbean

Shrek/Shrek 2

The Mask Of Zorro/The Legend Of Zorro

Long Way Round

Labyrinth

The Royle Family

Barbara Royle: [about her mother on the phone] It's shocking, really, you know - she's 82.
Jim Royle: Why what's happened?
Barbara Royle: Well, she went down the precinct and she had this voucher - and it was one day out of date and the miserable sod of a manager wouldn't let her have the money off!
Jim Royle: How much was it worth?
Barbara Royle: 20p.
Jim Royle: 20p? It'll cost her more than that to ring every bugger she knows to tell!

Denise Royle: Shall we go down The Feathers for the last hour?
Dave Best: No, I'm knackered.
Denise Royle: Ok. I'm not bothered anyway - we can always stay in and watch the telly.
Dave Best: Is there 'owt on?
Denise Royle: No.
Dave Best: Well, we may as well go down the feathers then.
Denise Royle: You were too knackered to go a minute ago!
Barbara Royle: Oh, let him go for a drink if that's what he wants!
Denise Royle: I just asked him! He said he was too knackered to go!
Dave Best: Do you wanna' go or what?
Denise Royle: I wanted to go in the first place. I'm not going now anyway - you've annoyed me.

Barbara Royle: [talking to Denise who obviously isn't listening] Oh - you know that Donna who works with me. Well, she only works half days - afternoons. And her Mam usually picks the kids up for her; anyway - her Mam's going into hospital and she won't be able to pick the kids up for her. So, Donna, wants to swap to mornings', so - she has to see Pauline. So, she goes and sees Pauline and she says "Can I swap to mornings?" and she tells her, you know, about her Mam going to hospital and all that. And Pauline's not having any of it - she's got herself in a right pickle. What's she going to do?
Denise Royle: What are you on about?
Barbara Royle: Donna!
Jim Royle: What's the matter with her?
Barbara Royle: Well, her Mam you see normally picks the kids up for her in the afternoons' after school - but she's going into hospital so she won't be able to. So Donna wanted to swap - Pauline won't let her. So she's stuck with someone to pick the kids' up for her, ain't she.
Jim Royle: Well, what's that got to do with you? I mean it's not your bloody problem is it?
Barbara Royle: I'm just telling you!
Jim Royle: Well, don't you think I've got enough to worry about myself?
Barbara Royle: [sighs] You've no interest in anyone but yourself, Jim.

Norma Speakman: May God forgive you Jim Royle for talking ill of the dead like that.
Jim Royle: I wasn't speaking ill of the dead, I was speaking about you, the living bloody dead!

Denise Royle: I'm only not smoking in front of Baby David until he's old enough to get up and walk out of the room, then it's his choice.

Barbara Royle: How's your diet going, Cheryl?
Cheryl Carroll: Oh, all right thanks, yeah, Barbara, I lost 4 pounds... and then I put 2 back on and then another 2. But I've not gained any.
Barbara Royle: Oh, well I think you're doing ever so well to stick to it, love.

Norma Speakman: [talking about Dave and Denise's honeymoon] So, where is it you're going again?
Denise Royle: Tenerife.
Norma Speakman: Ooh, that'll be gorgeous, won't it! Me and your grandad went to Blackpool for a week in a B&B. It's a Harry Ramsden's now, which is quite fitting as we met in a fish shop, It was after the town hall dance, I went there with my friend Betty.
Barbara Royle: Oh, Betty.
Barbara Royle: She married a joiner, moved to Leeds, he knocked her about a bit, but her home was lovely.
Mary Carroll: Do you ever hear from her, Norma?
Norma Speakman: No, I never liked her even when we were best friends.

Norma Speakman: Is this hat too far forward?
Jim Royle: No, we can still see your face.

Norma Speakman: Would you like a sandwich, love?
Dave Best: No thanks, Nana.
Norma Speakman: There's no Picalilly left in this jar.
Jim Royle: You're joking. Do you think we can continue with the celebrations in the face of that revelation?

Barbara Royle: Give us a go of that new lippy, Denise. It's a lovely colour, in't it? You know I can't usually wear red, it does nothing for me. Can't wear red, can I, Jim?
Jim Royle: No, that's what's held you back all these years.
Barbara Royle: D'ya know I am looking my age, it's these last few months it's crept up on me. Mind you it could be worse at least I've still got me schoolgirl figure.
Jim Royle: I must clean that mirror.
Denise Royle: Get lost, Dad, Mam's got a great figure for a woman her age.
Barbara Royle: It's gonna be really tempting working at that Bakers. I don't wanna put any weight on before the wedding, I want to get meself a really nice little suit.
Jim Royle: Why don't you go in your school uniform, it still fits you, doesn't it?

Norma Speakman: Ey, I tell you who is in hospital, Gwen's husband.
Barbara Royle: Ooh, what's he having done?
Norma Speakman: He's having something fitted.
Jim Royle: What - a wardrobe?

Jim Royle: Anthony, if that's the invisible man, tell him I can't see him.

Barbara Royle: Is there 'owt on, Jim?
Jim Royle: No
Barbara Royle: 'Ey Jim, Jim, d'ya fancy an early night?
Jim Royle: There must be bloody something on, mustn't there!

Dave Best: [Jim, Dave and Denise are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The previous question was Ethanol is a form of which substance?] Alcohol. I thought you would've known that, Denise.
Denise Royle: I've never even drank ethanol.

> Top <

My Family

Ben: What a splendid family. I've got a daughter who thinks I'm a joke, a son who thinks I'm demented, a wife who doesn't support me and a... pillock.

Susan: I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives.
Michael: You're going to kill dad?

Nick: Driving school tells you to keep 2 hands on the wheel at all times, I mean what are they thinking of? I mean what are you supposed to do if you've got a phone in one hand and a kebab in the other?

Ben: I'm a good driver. I passed my test first time.
Janey: Yeah but that was in the war. They needed all the drivers they could get.

Michael: I hate you.
Ben: No, that's my line.

Man at Bar: I'll have a lager.
Nick: Coming right up.
[gives the man a green cocktail]
Man at Bar: That's not a lager.
Nick: It's better. I call it a Nick-tini.
Man at Bar: I'd rather have a lager.
Nick: OK.
[pulls out another cocktail, this time a white one]
Man at Bar: What's that?
Nick: A Nick-orita. Packed full of Tequila, you'll love it.
Pub Landlord: Just give the man a lager.
Nick: Look, I can't. I don't want to point fingers, but somebody forgot to order more barrels.
Pub Landlord: You were supposed to order more.
Nick: That's why I don't want to point fingers.
Pub Landlord: You're fired.
Nick: No, wait! You haven't seen my cocktail routine!
[tosses cocktail shaker between hands, throws it up in the air, it lands on the bar and smashes]
Pub Landlord: [pause] You're still fired.
Nick: Fine, but you haven't seen the last of Nick harper!
[walks out from behind the bar, and sits down next to the other man at the bar]
Nick: I'll have a pint, it's been a rough day.

Susan: It seems like only yesterday it was Janey's birthday...
Ben: ...when it was only thousands of pounds ago.

Ben: Come on. What does your mother want?
Michael: Well...
Ben: And don't say her freedom.
Michael: Oh. Well, in that case, I've got nothing.

Michael: How's it going? How are you finding us?
Alfie: Yeah. Your family are very nice.
Michael: Give it time.

Nick: Good evening. I believe you require my services.
[gives Abi his card]
Abi: [reading his card] "Nick Harper, Swimwear Model"?
Nick: No, turn it over.
Abi: [turns card over] "Nick Harper, Exorcist"?
Nick: That's right.

Nick: [walks into Ben's dentist as a Spanish man, speaking with a Spanish accent] Hello. I am Ramon Manucas.
Ben: [looks in total shock, knowing it is Nick] Merciful heavens!
Nick: I am born in Porta Valance and educated in Madrid. I am looking very much forward to working here in England.
Ben: Yeah, and I am looking very much forward to booting you up the backside. Will you get out, Nick, please?
Nick: Who is Nick?
Ben: Drop the accent, all right? I just... I know it's you!
Nick: [speaking in his normal voice] It's the moustache, isn't it?

Ben: [to Abi] You, you're unhinged!
[to Michael]
Ben: You, you're demented!
[to Nick]
Ben: You... you're just you!

Susan: Michael's been having a bit of a problem with Jason Hodder.
Ben: Hodder J, the little fat kid who smells of sour milk.
Susan: No, that's Keith Burstall. Jason's the one with the itch.
Ben: Ooh. Which end?
Susan: That's Lee Matthews. Jason was the one with nits. Spread through the school like wildfire.
Ben: I never thanked him properly for that. What's he spreading now? Typhoid? Cholera? Distemper?
Susan: No, this time it's different. He's been picking on Michael. This morning he didn't want to go to school.
Janey: Who would with a class like that?
Ben: Exactly. School's meant to be unpleasant.

Susan: I have watched golf with you, I have watched football. I have gone to dental conventions and sat through lectures called "Gingivitis, the forgotten plague" and I have never complained. Do you know why?
Ben: So you can throw it in my face at times like this.
Susan: Because love means sacrifice.
Ben: [plays two seconds of Don Giovanni] Too big a sacrifice.

Michael: Nick, I gave you money for a film.
Nick: I know. I rented Stuart Little 2. I love that talking mouse.
Michael: I meant go to a film.

Susan: Well, this is it. We're officially on holiday.
Nick: [Jumps on the sofa] Great to finally have the chance to relax and unwind for a change.
Ben: For a change? You? You're always on holiday. A holiday for you would be getting a job. I'm surprised the travel agents don't print brochures of you. I'm surprised they don't call you Nick Holiday.
Nick: All right, father. You made your point.

Ben: You constantly broke the rules in my house.
Nick: Never.
Ben: Nick, you built a moat.
Nick: OK, one rule.
Ben: You put a sunroof in the kitchen.
Nick: Did it rain?
Ben: You took a baby elephant into your bedroom.
Nick: Was that against the rules?
Ben: Yes.
Nick: I knew my circus days would come back to haunt me.

Nick: [Teasing Ben] Hey, Dad. You have any idea what presents I can get for my three girlfriends?
Ben: How about Health, Accident and Fire insurance.

Susan: There's no time for that. I've hired you a costume for tonight.
Ben: I am not wearing a costume.
Susan: Oh, but it's a really, really good one.
Ben: It better be a warm one, 'cos when I put it on, it'll be a cold day in hell.

Abi: Did you know that the span of your hand added with the length of your middle finger is the same as your foot?
Ben: Did you know that the distance between my hands and your neck is closer than you think?
Abi: You know, one day you're gonna crush my spirit.
Ben: I live in hope.

Ben: What are you doing?
Susan: Choosing some wool.
Ben: Good. What for?
Susan: I'm making a cardigan for Janey's baby.
Ben: Oh, good. Hang on, you can't knit.
Susan: Are you saying I'll make a bad grandmother?
Ben: No, I'm saying you'll make a bad cardigan.

Ben: How did a day of TLC suddenly turn into a weekend of DIY?
Susan: PMT.

Ben: Why is it no one in this family wants to be with me?
Susan: I want to be with you.
Ben: You're my wife. You've no choice.

Michael: You're detached, you're selfish, you suck the joy out of everything. You undermine your children's self esteem so each of us has found our own way to escape. Nick has rejected adulthood and all responsibility, Janey has moved 200 miles away and got herself pregnant, whereas I, since that route has denied me, have resorted to lowering a steel shutter on my emotions so at times I may seem cold; even cruel and insulting to my parents. The irony being is that although you have caused all this, you are the only one who cannot see it. Now what did you want to say?
Ben: I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come ice skating.

Ben: Nick, you really do have the morals of a convent educated dingo.
Nick: Thanks, Dad.

Susan: What are you gonna do with that?
Nick: [Holding a hammer] Break into my piggy bank.
Susan: How conventional. From you, I'd expected a ski mask and a getaway car.

Ben: Nick, shut up.
Nick: You always say that, but it never works.

[Nick is trying to chat up the much-pierced hotel maid]
Nick: I'm here for the tattooist's convention, actually.
Rita: Then why haven't you got any tattoos?
Nick: I don't use ink. I'm in it for the pain.
Rita: Oh? You into S&M? B&D?
Nick: Sure, S&M, B&D, Q, LMNOP, all the letters.

[Michael breaks the living room window with a bazooka]
Susan: What the hell has happened?
Michael: Erm... if I said "nothing', would you believe me?
Susan: Michael.
Michael: All right, all right. It was for my science project... on organic foods.
Susan: You fired a rocket through a window?
Michael: Come on, mum. Do you think I'd be so stupid as to fire a rocket through our living room window? It was a sausage.
Susan: Michael, you could have killed someone.
Michael: It was an organic sausage.
Susan: That's it. You're grounded until further notice.
Michael: Grounded?
Susan: Don't you realize you could've taken somebody's eye out.
Michael: Oh, please. It'd exploded before it hit anything.
Susan: [Thinks] Did Nick put you up to this?
Michael: Actually, it was part of our new high-speed food delivery service.
[Abi runs into the house]
Abi: You're not gonna believe this. I was just getting off the bus, and it started raining sausage. I've prayed for this day.
Michael: See? Our first satisfied customer.

[Talking about Nick's first day as a tour guide]
Susan: In fact, it went so well that I... sent Nick off by himself.
Ben: You sent Nick off by himself. Course you did.
Susan: All right, I lost him.
Ben: You see, I told you but you wouldn't listen.
Susan: It's early days. He needs love, care, tenderness.
Nick: Hi mum.
Susan: WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? All right, so you got lost. Did you have to take my entire tour group with you? Where's your umbrella?
Nick: I think I left it at the police station.
Susan: And your name badge?
Nick: Probably still in casualty.
Susan: What about your clipboard?
Nick: A baboon ran off with it.
Susan: Oh well, at least you took them to the zoo.
Nick: No.

Susan: Ben, you promised to fix that toilet.
Ben: I did.
Susan: When did you fix it?
Ben: I didn't. I said I did promise to fix it.

Ben: Michael's almost 16. We're about to stop parenting.
Headmaster: Parenting never stops.
Ben: Don't you ever say that!

[Susan is running Nick through a tour-guide lesson]
Susan: All you have to do is stick close to me, do exactly as I do, and if you're unsure of anything...
Nick: I'll just wing it!
Susan: No, no, just ask. Now, here's your umbrella. This is your staff of office. Your... tour-guide sceptre if you like.
Nick: Actually mum, I do have a question; if Buzz Lightyear doesn't know he's a toy, why doesn't he speak when humans are around?
Susan: What?
Nick: You said to ask if I wasn't sure of anything.

[Rummaging for something in a drawer, Ben finds a long string of flags]
Ben: NICK!
Nick: I see you found my flags of all nations, classic but never stale.
Ben: What are they doing in my drawer?
Nick: A good magician never reveals his secrets.
Ben: Oh, you're a magician now, are you?
Nick: That's right, and you've found my cabinet of mystery.
Ben: The only mystery in this house is why we allow you to stay here.

Susan: The house is full of men doing their men things. Michael with his computers, Nick with his Action Man repair business.
Ben: You're a bit behind the times, he's a magician now.
Susan: Oh no. Well you never know, he might be good at it.
Ben: He certainly made 20 years of our lives disappear.

[Nick has just announced his intention to form a motorcycle stunt display team]
Susan: Nick, who is in this motorcycle display team?
Nick: Just me at the moment. Oh, and Spike.
Susan: Not blind Spike?
Nick: I keep telling you mum, he's not blind. He's partially sighted.
Ben: So your team, your team consists of you and Spike.
Nick: Don't forget Rover.
Susan: Who's Rover?
Nick: Spike's dog.

Ben: In all the saints, Spanish and English, why have you taken a photograph of your bottom?
Nick: Oh, I've never seen it before. At least not from that angle.

Susan: [showing Ben a letter she found in Michael's room] It's addressed to Mr and Mrs Harper and he's hidden it from us. What does that tell you?
Ben: That he doesn't want us to find it.

[trying to find Surfing Mel's website, Ben tries an internet search with the keywords "oral" and "contacts" - whatever the page they've found is, both Ben and Nick are speechless]
Ben: Good Lord.
Nick: Good going.
Ben: That can't be Surfing Mel.
Nick: You'd better hope it's not.

Susan: Now, your father is going to explain what's been happening. Ben?
Ben: Why should I explain you'll only interrupt.
Susan: I only interrupt when you digress.
Ben: I do not digress. You digress.
Susan: I don't digress, I build a framework.
Ben: A framework. It's like a bloody scaffold.

Nick: [through a video postcard] Mum, Dad, I miss you. My Far-Eastern adventure was not what I expected. I came here to follow my dreams and ended up being pursued by a nightmare. My backpack fell down a waterfall; my passport got stolen from a bar; my girlfriend turned out to be a man! Worst of all, my plan to set up a Punch and Judy franchise on every beach in Thailand fell foul of the all-powerful Puppeteers Union. They're worse than the Triads! And I need to pay them 2,000 US Dollars or they'll stuff me and mount me and use me as a glove puppet! Mum, Dad, if you're watching this, please wire me the money before it's too late! I'm desperate!

Ben: You did *what?*
Nick: I saved it up.
Ben: £1,578?
Nick: Think about it, Dad, all those jobs, all that severance pay. Soon adds up.
Susan: I don't think it's a good idea to leave it lying about like this though.
Nick: I don't. I just got it out of the bank yesterday.
Ben: You have a bank account?
Nick: Actually it's an ISA. My money works so I don't have to.
Ben: No, no, Nick, *I* work so you don't have to.

Ben: [Nick sits eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream] What are you doing eating my ice cream?
Nick: It's not yours. It doesn't have your name on it.
Ben: Yes, it does.
[reads from the tub]
Ben: Ben.

Nick: Look, here's the deal. I have a plan to move back in, but you mustn't tell the mother or the father.
Abi: Right. So what's the plan?
Nick: I just told you.

Susan: The baby will need a place to sleep when Janey comes to visit.
Ben: What's wrong with the laundry basket?

> Top <

The Mummy/The Mummy Returns

Evelyn: Look, I... I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. O'Connell, but I am proud of what I am.
Rick: And what is that?
Evelyn: I... am a librarian.

[Rick is about to be hanged]
Hangman: Any last requests, pig?
Rick: Yeah. Loosen the knot and let me go.
[the hangman says something to the warden in Arabic]
Warden Gad Hassan: [Angrily] Yahemar! Of course we don't let him go!

Winston: So, what does your little problem have to do with his Majesty's Royal Air Corps?
Rick: Not a damn thing.
Winston: Is it dangerous?
Rick: Well, you probably won't live through it.
Winston: By Jove, do you really think so?
Jonathan: Well, everyone else we've bumped into has died. Why should you be any different?

Evelyn: You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance.
Beni: They do?

Evelyn: Have you got any bright ideas?
Rick: I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
Evelyn: You better think of something fast, because, if he turns me into a mummy you're the first one I'm coming after.

Evelyn: You lied to me.
Jonathan: I lie to everyone, what makes you so special?
Evelyn: I'm your sister.
Jonathan: That just makes you more gullible.

Rick: Can you swim?
Evelyn: Well, of course I can swim if the occasion calls for it.
Rick: [throwing her overboard] Trust me, it calls for it.

[Evie is drunk]
Evelyn: I bet you're thinking, what's a place like me doing in a girl like this?
Rick: Something like that, yeah

[Upon opening the tomb]
Evelyn: I've dreamt about this since I was a little girl.
Rick: You dream about dead guys?

Rick: Well if it ain't my little buddy Beni. I think I'll kill you.
Beni: Think of my children.
Rick: You don't have any children
Beni: Someday I might.

Rick: You're gonna get yours, Beni. You hear me? You're gonna get yours.
Beni: Oh, like I've never heard *that* before.

Evelyn: Patience is a virtue.
Rick: Not right now it isn't.

Beni: As long as I serve him, I am immune.
Rick: Immune from what?
Beni: Piszkas allat.
Rick: What did you say?
Beni: I don't want to tell you. You'll just hurt me some more.

Rick: So let me get this straight, they reducted your guts and they stuffed them in jars?
Evelyn: And they took out your heart as well. Oh, and do you know how they took out your brain?
Jonathan: Evy, I don't think that we need to know this
Evelyn: They took a sharp, red hot poker, stick it up your nose, scramble things about a bit, and then rip it all out through your nostrils.
Rick: Ooh, that's got to hurt.
Evelyn: It's called mummification, you'll be dead when they do this.
Rick: For the record, if I don't make it out of here, don't put me down for mummification.
Jonathan: Likewise.

Evelyn: [after destroying the museum library] Oops.

Dr. Bey: [stutters in disbelief] Oh look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs! Flies, locusts! Anything but you. Compared to you the other plagues were a joy!
Evelyn: I am so very sorry it was an accident.
Dr. Bey: My darling girl, when Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!

[entering Sah-Netjer]
Jonathan: Whew! What is that god-awful stench?
[sees the warden right behind him]
Jonathan: Oh.

Evelyn: Keep him busy.
Rick: [being thrown against a pillar by Imhotep] No problem.

Rick: [to Evelyn] Are you all right?
Jonathan: [standing several feet behind Rick] I'm not sure...

Jonathan: I guess we go home empty handed. Again.
Rick: [kisses Evy] I wouldn't say that.
Jonathan: Oh please.
[to his camel]
Jonathan: How about you darling, you want a little kissy-kiss too?
[the camel breathes on him]
Jonathan: Whew!

Jonathan: I never did like camels. They're filthy buggers, they smell, they bite, they spit.
[the warden spits]
Jonathan: Disgusting.

[They have just walked into a large room full of gold]
Jonathan: Can you see...
Rick: Yeah.
Jonathan: Can you believe...
Rick: Yeah.
Jonathan: Can we just...
Rick: No.

Winston: [stepping into a fountain] Some bloody idiot spilled his drink.

Jonathan: [trying to buy some camels from a Bedouin] I only want four, not the whole bloody herd!

Ardeth Bey: [to Alex] By putting on the bracelet, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.
Alex: [gasp]
Rick: [to Ardeth] Hey, you, lighten up.
[to Alex]
Rick: You, big trouble.
[to Jonathan]
Rick: You, get in the car.

Alex: Hey. The Book of the Dead.
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Meela: Because your parents don't put poisonous snakes in your bed while you're sleeping.

[witnessing Imhotep's resurrection]
Rick: You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.

Izzy: [to Rick] Every time I hook up with you, I get shot. Last time I got shot in the ass. I'm in mourning for my ass!

Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock-Nah: No.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock-Nah: No.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock-Nah: No.
Alex: Are we...
[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]
Alex: Wow, that's amazing. Perfect aim.
Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.

Jonathan: I told you. I told you.
Meela: And your point is...?
Jonathan: I told you so you wouldn't kill me.
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?

Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chest
Rick: Yeah, no harm ever came from reading a book either. Remember how that one went?

Alex: Sucker weighs a goddang ton.
Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!
Alex: Rather weighty, this.

Izzy: This thing is filled with gas, dammit. Not hot air, gas. Where am I supposed to find gas around here? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's arse?

Evelyn: Alex, I'm serious, if you've lost that key, you're grounded.
Alex: I haven't lost it, I just can't find it. There's a difference you know.

[Rick comes in and sees Jonathan being interrogated by thugs]
Rick: Uh, hello. Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.
Jonathan: Well, when you're popular...

Rick: Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him. But this is my house, and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.

Rick: What did you do this time?
Jonathan: Well, I haven't done anything to anybody.
[bullets fly through the door]
Jonathan: ... lately.

Izzy: O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.
Rick: Didn't we do that in Tripoli?

Jonathan: Pull me up. Pull me up.
[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]
Jonathan: Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down.
Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot.
Jonathan: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Izzy: O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

[on seeing Rick's tattoo]
Ardeth Bey: If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek."
Ardeth Bey: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth Bey: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

[Jonathan and a thug are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground]
Jonathan: There's the burial ground. We're safe. Do you see those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Thug: Are you sure?
Jonathan: Well of course I'm sure.
[a pygmy runs past and kills the thug. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry, my mistake.

[after breaking the key of in the ignition]
Alex: You broke it. You broke it. You broke it.
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex. If there are going to be any hysterics, they should come from me.

Rick: Where the hell is Jonathon?
[Jonathon drives up in a 2-story bus]
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: I was forced to choose another means of transportation.
Rick: A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!

[Alex has just destroyed a temple]
Alex: Mum, dad, I can explain everything.

Ardeth Bey: I'm sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bey: If he is not killed, he will call forth the Army of Anubis!
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.

Izzy: That's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What are you talking about?
Izzy: You took my gold stick.
Jonathan: I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You haven't got a wife.

Imhotep: The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.
Alex: Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have until the Scorpion King wakes up.
Imhotep: Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?
Alex: That part I missed.

Evelyn: I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
Rick: Evie, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it, we're already packed.
Rick: Why don't you give me one good reason.
Evelyn: It's just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exotic, romantic oasis.
Rick: With the white sandy beaches and the cool clear blue water and we could get some of those big cocktails with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.
Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: It's supposedly the resting place of Anubis' army.
Rick: See, I knew there was a catch. There's always a catch.

[about Ahm Shere]
Evelyn: Alexander the Great sent 1,000 soldiers to look for it...
Rick: Hooray for him.
Evelyn: Caesar sought for it...
Rick: Look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon...
Rick: Yeah, well, we're smarter than him, and taller.
Evelyn: Exactly, and that's why we're going to find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?

Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Oh it's exactly like it sounds. I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I'm fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm sitting the the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up the street with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: Just as long as I don't get shot.

Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, don't worry - it's just me.

> Top <

Coronation Street

Sean: [in a vet's waiting room] Oh, what a lovely parrot!
Parrot: Sod off!

Rita: [about Norris's secret book] The hero of his novel has got himself caught up in a menage-a-trois!
Emily: Oh, really!
Rita: Emily, you do know what a menage-a-trois is?
Emily: I most certainly do!
Rita: Oh. Well, the two women involved in this...
Emily: Love triangle?
Rita: Yes. Are a mild-mannered church-goer called Emilia...
Emily: [subtly shocked] Oh.
Rita: ...and a racy, Titian temptress called Reeba.
Emily: [suspicious] Oh.
Rita: [reading from the novel] "Norris jumped out of the moped as Emilia and Reeba alighted the side-car..."
Emily: That's a big side-car!
Rita: "... and hand in hand, the three of them ran barefoot through Chester Zoo. Atop the souvenir kiosk, Reeba belts out a quick rendition of "Paper Moon", whilst Emilia chose this moment - for some solemn prayer."
Emily: It's not really a page-turner, is it?
Rita: You wait till you hear what happens in the meercat enclosure!
Emily: I like meercats... I've a tea towel with some on - Norris knows that!

Frankie: [Blanche, their landlady, is kicking Frankie and Danny out of their house, without notice] You can't do that. It's illegal!
Blanche: Then sue me!
[slams her front door shut]
Blanche: [Frankie looks through the letterbox]
Frankie: You cannot not kick us out of our house, you looney!
Danny: Get up, Frankie. She won't hear you - she's as deaf as a post!
Blanche: I heard that!

Eileen: Tracy Barlow! I mean, even her initials are a killer disease!

Rita: Did you ever run away from home?
Norris: No, I most certainly did not!
Rita: That must have been a great disappointment to your mother!

Peter: I was drinking to forget.
Shelley: Forget what?
Peter: I don't know, I've forgotten.

[At the altar, Shelley has just told the vicar and congregation that she will not marry Charlie]
Charlie: Sorry about this, mate. She's been having a few problems upstairs!
Shelley: Yes, I have, and I thought it was me but it's not. It's you, Charlie! I was okay till I met you. Everyone kept telling me you're destroying me, that you go with other women. And I kept denying it and denying it and denying it 'cos I was so scared of losing you. But you 'are' destroying me. You do go with other women. I've seen it with my own eyes! And you made me feel it was my fault! You made me feel scared, you made me feel inferior. I can't trust you! I can't marry you!
Blanche: Do you think they wrote their own vows?

Gail: His car was parked out here all night.
Eileen: Run along home now, Gail. The curtains won't twitch themselves, you know.

Gail: [Jason arrives in a builders outfit while she is shouting homophobic abuse to Todd] Oh! Here they come then, The rest of the "Village People".

Blanche: Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky.

Eileen: Your Sarah's been through half the lads in Weatherfield!
Gail: Yes, and your Todd's been through the other half!

> Top <

The Breakfast Club

John: Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.

John: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!

Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

> Top <

Cats The Musical

Grizabella: Touch me! It's so easy to leave me all alone with the memory of my days in the sun. If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is. Look! A new day has begun.

Munkustrap: [speaking about Rumpus Cat] You never saw anything fiercer!
[Rumpus Cat's hair stands on end]
Munkustrap: ...Or hairier.

Old Deuteronomy: With cats, some say one rule is true: don't speak 'til you are spoken to. Myself, I do not hold with that. I say you should address a cat, but always keep in mind that he resents familiarity. You bow, and taking off your hat, address him in this form: O, Cat!

Bombalurina, Demeter, Jellylorum: But, when the day's hustle and bustle is done, then the gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun. She thinks that the cockroaches...
Jennyanydots: Just need employment...
Bombalurina, Demeter, Jellylorum: To prevent them from...
Jennyanydots: Idle and wanton destroyment.
Bombalurina, Demeter, Jellylorum: So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts a troop of well-disciplined, helpful boy scouts...
Jennyanydots: With a purpose in life and a good deed to do...
Bombalurina, Demeter, Jellylorum: And she's even created a beetle's tatoo!

Mungojerrie: It was... Mungojerrie!
Rumpleteazer: And! Rumpleteazer!
Mungojerrie: And there's nothing at all can be done about that!

Munkustrap: Are you blind when you're born?
Demeter: Can you see in the dark?
Skimbleshanks: Dare you look at a king?
Asparagus: Would you sit on his throne?
Rum Tum Tugger: Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Alonzo: Are you cock of the walk...
Grizabella: When you're walking alone?

Skimbleshanks: From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards, I would supervise them all.
[beat]
Skimbleshanks: More or less...

> Top <

Cool Runnings

Sanka: What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead who can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals.

Yul Brenner: How 'bout I beat your butt right now?
Sanka: How 'bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?

Sanka: "The key elements to a successful sled team are a steady driver, and three strong runners to push the sled down the ice." ICE? Ice?
Derice: Well, it's kind of a winter sport.
Sanka: You mean winter, as in ice?
Derice: Kind of.
Sanka: You mean, as in penguins and Eskimos and igloos and ICE?
Derice: Maybe.
Sanka: See you, mon.

> Top <

Finding Nemo

Crush: Okay. Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique.
Squirt: Good afternoon. We're gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There's a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.
Marlin: It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it.
[to Squirt]
Marlin: Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again.

Sharks: [reciting] I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.

Marlin: Now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious. It's a fish we don't know. If we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out our bones.
Dory: What is it with men and asking for directions?

Crush: Dude? Dude? Focus dude... Dude?
[Marlin wakes up]
Crush: Oh, he lives. Hey, dude!
Marlin: Oh... What happened?
Crush: Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like "whoa", and we were like "whoa", and you were like "whoa..."
Marlin: What are you talking about?
Crush: You, Mini-Man, takin' on the jellies. You've got serious thrill issues, dude. Awesome.
Marlin: Oh, my stomach. Ohh.
Crush: Oh, man. Hey, no hurling on the shell, dude, ok? Just waxed it.
Marlin: So, Mr. Turtle?
Crush: Whoa, Dude. Mister Turtle is my father. The name's Crush.

Dory: I saw a boat.
Marlin: You did?
Dory: Yeah, it went by not too long ago. Follow me.
[few seconds later]
Dory: Would you quit it? What, the ocean isnt big enough for you or something like that? You got a problem? Huh? Do ya, do ya, do ya? You wanna piece of me? Yeah, yeah! Ooh, I'm scared now! What?
Marlin: What? You said you saw a boat.
Dory: A boat?
Marlin: YES.
Dory: Hey, I've seen a boat. It went by not too long ago. It went... this way. It went this way.
Marlin: Wait a minute, you already told me which way the boat went.
Dory: I did? Oh, no...

Dory: How about we play a game?
Marlin: All right.
Dory: Okay, I'm thinking of something orange, and it's small...
Marlin: It's me.
Dory: Right!
[Later]
Dory: I'm thinking of something orange and small...
Marlin: Me again.
Dory: All right, Mr. Smartypants...
[Later]
Dory: ... It's orange and small, and has stripes...
Marlin: Me, and the next one - just a guess - me.
Dory: Okay, that's just scary.

Dory: I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy Come on, squishy Come on, little squishy
[baby talk]
Dory: Ow Bad squishy, bad squishy

Gill: From this moment on, you shall now be known as Sharkbait.
Bloat, Gurgle, Bubbles: Sharkbait! Hoo ha ha!
Gill: Welcome, Brother Sharkbait!
Bloat, Gurgle, Bubbles: Sharkbait! Hoo ha ha!
Gill: Enough with the Sharkbait.
Gurgle: Sharkbait! Hoo... bop pa doo.

Marlin: The water's going down. It's half-empty.
Dory: Hmm... I'd say it's half-full.
Marlin: Stop that.

Nemo: Dad, you're not gonna freak out like you did at the petting zoo, are you?
Marlin: Hey, that snail was about to charge.

> Top <

Ice Age

Sid: For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.
Diego: I don't eat junk food.

Dodo: This is our private stockpile for the Ice Age. Sub arctic temperatures will force us underground for a billion, billion years.
Manfred: So you got three melons?

Manfred: If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful.

Manfred: I'm still trying to get rid of the last thing I saved.

Sid: I bet he's hungry.
Manfred: How 'bout some milk?
Sid: Ooh, I'd love some.
Diego: Not you. The baby.
Sid: Well, I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal.
Diego: You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren't...
Manfred: Enough.

Female Sloth #1: He's not much to look at, but it's so hard to find a family man these days.
Female Sloth #2: All of the sensitive ones get eaten.

Diego: You two are a bit of an odd couple.
Manfred: There is no US!
Diego: I see. You couldn't have one of your own so you decided to adopt.
Diego: The baby? Please. I was just returning it to its herd.
Sid: Oh, yeah. Nice try, Bucktooth.
Diego: You calling me a liar?
Sid: I didn't say that.
Diego: You were thinking it.
Sid: [whispering, to Manny] I don't like this cat. He reads minds.

Sid: Hey, my feet are sweating.
Diego: Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?
Manfred: He's doing it for attention. Just ignore him...

Diego: You don't know much about tracking, do you?
Sid: Hey, I'm a sloth. I see a tree, eat a leaf. That's my tracking.

Dodo: Prepare for the Ice Age.
Sid: Ice Age?
Diego: I've heard of these crackpots.

Manfred: Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?

Sid: [Dragging a stick] Phew! I'm wiped out.
Manfred: That's your shelter?
Sid: Hey, you're a big guy, you got a lot of wood. I'm a little guy.
Manfred: You got half a stick.
Sid: Yes, but with this little stick and my highly evolved brain...
[accidentally pokes himself in the eye with stick]
Sid: Ow!... I shall create fire.
Manfred: Fascinating.
Sid: We'll see whether brains triumph over brawn tonight, won't we?
[Later, Sid is trying to light a fire in the rain, while Manfred is dry under his shelter]
Manfred: Hey, I think I saw a spark.

> Top <

Monsters Inc

Flint: And leaving the door open is the worst mistake that any employee could make, because...
Bile: Uh... it could let in a draft?
Henry J. Waternoose: [Storming in] It could let in a child.

Yeti: [Referring to despondent Sully] Aw, poor guy. I understand. It's not easy being banished. Take my buddy Bigfoot. When he was banished he fashioned an enormous diaper out of poison ivy. Wore it on his head like a tiara. Called himself "King Itchy".

Sulley: Mike, this isn't Boo's door.
Mike: Boo? What's Boo?
Sulley: That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem?
Mike: Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me...
[Mike pauses, realizing that they suddenly have the attention of the entire scare floor]
Mike: Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical.
[singing]
Mike: Put that thing back where it came from or so help me... so help me, so help me and cut. We're still working on it, it's a work in progress but, hey, we need ushers.

Roz: Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?
Mike: Well, as a matter of fact...
Roz: Then I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once.
[Mike smiles innocently]
Roz: Your stunned silence is very reassuring.

Mike: I think I have a plan here: using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild.
Sulley: Spoons?
Mike: That's it, I'm out of ideas. We're closed. Hot air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek.

Yeti: Abominable. Can you believe that? Do I look abominable to you? Why can't they call me the Adorable Snowman, or the Agreeable Snowman, for crying out loud? I'm a nice guy.

> Top <

Moulin Rouge

Nini Legs-In-The-Air: Don't worry Shakespeare, you'll get your ending. Once the Duke gets his end-in.

Cast of Spectacular, Spectacular: [singing] So exciting, we'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry. So delighting...
The Duke: And in the end, should someone die?

Zidler: Satine, hurt him. Hurt him, to save him.

Zidler: We're creatures of the underworld. We can't afford to love.

Argentinean: We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires. It tells the story of the prostitute and a man who falls in love with her. First, there is desire. Then, passion. Then, suspicion. Jealousy. Anger. Betrayal. When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no love. Jealousy, yes, jealousy will drive you mad.

Christian: The Moulin Rouge. A night club, a dance hall and a bordello. Ruled over by Harold Zidler. A kingdom of night time pleasures. Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. The most beautiful of these was the one I loved. Satine. A courtesan. She sold her love to men. They called her the 'Sparkeling Diamond', and she was the star... of the Moulin rouge. The woman I loved is... dead.

[Before kissing Christian]
Satine: You're going to be bad for business. I can tell.

Satine: A little supper? Maybe some champagne?
Christian: I'd rather, um, just get it over and done with.
Satine: Hmph. Oh. Very well. Then why don't you come down here and let's get it over and done with.
Christian: I prefer to do it standing.
Satine: Oh.
[starts to stand]
Christian: You don't have to stand, I mean. It's sometimes that... It's quite long and I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do and it may feel a little strange at first, but I think, if you're open, then you might enjoy it.
Satine: I'm sure I will...

Nini Legs-In-The-Air: This ending's silly. Why would the courtesan go for the penniless writer? Whoops. I mean sitar player.
[the bohemians are rehearsing a play that resembles a certain musical that begins with a nun singing atop a hill]
Toulouse-Lautrec: [singing] The hills are made with the euphonious symphonies of descant...
Doctor: I don't think a nun would say that about a hill.

Zidler: [singing] If life's an awful bore, and living's just a chore that we do caus' death's not much fun. I just have the antidote, and though I mustn't gloat at the Moulin Rouge. You'll have fun... Scratch that little niggle, have a little wiggle, you know that you can... Because we can can can.

Satine: Please tell me you're not one of Toulouse's oh so talented, charmingly bohemian, tragically impoverished writers?

> Top <

Operation Dumbo Drop

Capt. T.C. Doyle: You slept with the wife of General "Kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-them-out" Richardson?
David Poole: I thought it was his daughter.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: Oh yeah, he would've been fine with that.

Capt. T.C. Doyle: Does anybody else here know how to work an elephant?
Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: I was in love with a fat woman once, but she never listened to me.

> Top <

Phantom Of The Opera

Christine: I remember...there was mist. Swirling mist upon a vast glassy lake...There were candles all around, and on the lake there was a boat.....
[pause]
Christine: ...And in the boat, there was a man.
[walks over to the Phantom, at his organ]
Christine: Who was that shape in the shadows? Whose is that face in the mask?
[touches his face and rips of mask]
The Phantom: [covers face] Damn you! You little prying Pandora! You little demon! Is this what you wanted to see?! Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little *viper*! Now you cannot ever be free! Damn you! Curse you!
The Phantom: [changes mood from angry to sad] Stranger than you dreamt it, can you even bear to look, or dare to think of me?....This lonesome gargoyle who burns in hell but secretly yearns for heaven secretly, secretly but Christine........fear can turn to love you'll learn to see to find the man behind the monstor this...repulsive carcass that seems a beast but secretly dreams of beauty secretly, secretly....
[crying]
The Phantom: Oh, Christine.
The Phantom: [Christine hands him the mask]
[spoken]
The Phantom: Come. We must return. Those two fools who run my theatre will be missing you.

Christine: The tears I might have shed for your dark fate; Grow cold and turn to tears of hate!

The Phantom: Flattering child you shall know me, see why in shadow I hide! Look at your face in the mirror
[magically appears in the mirror]
The Phantom: - I am there inside!
The Phantom: Take her, forget me, forget all of this. Leave me alone, forget all you've seen. Go now, don't let them find you. Take the boat, swear to me never to tell. The secrets you know, of the Angel in Hell.
[shouts]
The Phantom: Go now! Go now and leave me.

Raoul: [singing] Free her! Do what you like, only free her! Have you no pity?
The Phantom: [to Christine] Your lover makes a passionate plea!
Christine: Please, Raoul, it's useless...
Raoul: I love her! Does that mean nothing, I love her! Show some compassion!
The Phantom: [furiously] The world showed no compassion to me!

> Top <

Pirates Of The Caribbean

Will Turner: You cheated.
Jack Sparrow: [shrugs] Pirate.

Jack Sparrow: [after Will draws his sword] Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again.
Will Turner: You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack Sparrow: That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.
Elizabeth: This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean.
Anamaria: You can tell them that after they've caught us.

Jack Sparrow: If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

[Elizabeth is being laced into a corset]
Governor Swann: Elizabeth, how's it coming?
Elizabeth: It's difficult to say.
Governor Swann: I'm told it's the latest fashion in London.
Elizabeth: Well, women in London must have learned not to breathe.

Jacoby: I'm gonna teach you the meaning of pain.
Elizabeth: You like pain?
[hits pirate in the head with a pole]
Elizabeth: Try wearing a corset.

Grapple: Say goodbye.
[a sign swings down and hits Grapple through a shop window]
Will Turner: Goodbye.

Jack Sparrow: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack Sparrow: You need to find yourself a girl mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?
Will Turner: I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill it.

Jack Sparrow: You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?
Will Turner: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.

Norrington: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north,
[looks at Jack's sword]
Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

Barbossa: So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
Jack Sparrow: No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on my ship and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?
Barbossa: But that still leaves us with the problem of me standing on some beach with naught but a name and your word it's the one I need.
Jack Sparrow: Of the two of us I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we'll be trusting. Although, I suppose I should be thanking you because in fact, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse same as you.
[bites into an apple]
Jack Sparrow: Funny ol' world, innit?
[offers him an apple]

Jack Sparrow: Stop blowing holes in my ship!

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

Jack Sparrow: [Imitating Elizabeth] "It must have been terrible for you, Jack. Must have been terrible." Well, it bloody is now.
[Seeing Norrington's ship off shore]
Jack Sparrow: There'll be no living with her after this.

Barbossa: [talking to Will Turner] Who are you?
Jack Sparrow: No one. He's no one. Distant cousin of my Aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch.

Mullroy: Hey, you. Get away from there. You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate.
Jack Sparrow: I'm sorry. It's just... it's such a pretty boat... ship.

Jack Sparrow: Parleley, parlelellyleloooo, par le nee, partner, par... snip, parsley...
Ragetti: Parley?
Jack Sparrow: That's the one. Parley. Parley.
Pintel: Parley? Damn to the depths whatever man what thought of "Parley".
Jack Sparrow: That would be the French.

Murtogg: This dock is off-limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.
[Jack makes to continue but is blocked by Murtogg and Mullroy]
Jack Sparrow: Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen, such as yourselves, did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg: Someone's got to make sure that this dock stays off-limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me... that a ship like that one, makes this one here seem a bit superfluous, really.
Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.
Jack Sparrow: I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: The Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Well, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.
Mullroy: No, it's not.
Murtogg: Yes it is, I've seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen it?
Murtogg: Yes.
Mullroy: You haven't seen it.
Murtogg: Yes, I have.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with black sails.
[Jack quietly slips passed them unnoticed]
Mullroy: Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're telling me?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: Like I said, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.

Jack Sparrow: That's the second time I've had to watch that man sail away with my ship.
Elizabeth: But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then.
Jack Sparrow: To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice - unlikely - young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him.
Elizabeth: But you're Captain Jack Sparrow. You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company. You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot. Are you the pirate I've read about or not? How did you escape last time?
Jack Sparrow: Last time... I was here a grand total of three days, alright? Last time, the rum runners used this island as a cache, they came past and I was able to barter passage off. By the look of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that.
Elizabeth: That's it, then? That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum.
Jack Sparrow: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.

Jack Sparrow: [upon seeing Elizabeth plunge into the ocean] Will you be saving her then?
Mullroy: I can't swim.
[Jack looks at Murtogg... no he won't do either]
Jack Sparrow: Pride of the King's navy you are. Do not lose these.

Will Turner: How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?
Mr. Gibbs: Aye, the compass doesn't point North. But we're not trying to find North, are we?
Town Clerk: [reading Jack's hanging notice and his crimes] ... impersonating a cleric of the Church of England...
Jack Sparrow: [smiles] Oh yeah...

> Top <

Shrek/Shrek 2

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
[nose grows]
Captain of Guards: Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

Donkey: You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha.

Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
Shrek: Oh no no no, dead broad OFF THE TABLE!
Dwarf: Well where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
Shrek: What?
Big Bad Wolf: [dressed as Grandmother in bed] What?

[eyeing the "KEEP OUT" signs surrounding Shrek's home]
Donkey: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: ... Can I stay with you?

Donkey: This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles.

Little Pig: He huffed and he puffed and he... signed an eviction notice.
Gingerbread Man: All right. Do you know... the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man: She's married to the muffin man...
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: THE MUFFIN MAN.
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.

[about Snow White]
Magic Mirror: Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.

[Donkey keeps humming]
Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom.

Lord Farquaad: Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

Donkey: Hi, princess.
Princess Fiona: It talks.
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
[Donkey and Shrek are looking at constellations in the night sky]
Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
Donkey: Oh, okay.

Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.

Donkey: [to Puss] If we ever need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.

[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mum and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]
Queen: Harold!
Princess Fiona: Shrek!
Shrek: Fiona...
King: Fiona!
Princess Fiona: Mum!
Queen: Harold!
Donkey: [happily] Donkey!

Receptionist: Look, the Fairy Godmother does not want any visitors.
Shrek: That's okay, pal. We're from the union.
Receptionist: Union?
Shrek: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Are you happy here?
Receptionist: Maybe.
Shrek: Are you feeling at all neglected or oppressed?
Receptionist: A little. We don't even have dental.
Shrek: They don't even have dental. All right, we're gonna have a look around. And buddy, it would be best if the Fairy Godmother doesn't know about this. Hmm?
Donkey: Hmm?
Shrek: Hmm?
Donkey: Huh? Huh? Huh?
Shrek: Stop it.

Shrek: That's it, Mongo. Head for the castle.
[Mongo heads to the giant cup on top of Farbucks Coffee]
Shrek: No, no, no, no! You great stupid pastry!

> Top <

The Mask Of Zorro/The Legend Of Zorro

Don Diego de la Vega: You have passion, Alejandro, and your skill is growing. But to enter Montero's world, I must give you something which is completely beyond your reach.
Alejandro Murrieta: Ah, yes? And what is that?
Don Diego de la Vega: Charm.

Elena: Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been three days since my last confession.
Alejandro Murrieta: Three days? How many sins could you have committed in three days? Come back when you have more time, please.

Captain Harrison Love: The lady and I were trying to dance.
Alejandro Murrieta: You were trying. She was succeeding.

Don Diego de la Vega: Do you know how to use that thing?
Alejandro Murrieta: Yes. The pointy end goes into the other man.

Don Diego de la Vega: Convince Montero that you're a gentleman of stature, and he will let you into his circle.
Alejandro Murrieta: Me? A gentleman?
[pause]
Alejandro Murrieta: This is going to take a lot of work.

[telling a story to his baby daughter]
Don Diego de la Vega: And suddenly lightning flashed and a mighty thunder shook the wasted land, and the evil king glared at the good prince and said...
[sees Esperanza watching him]
Don Diego de la Vega: ...something very forgettable.

[whispering to his baby son]
Alejandro Murrieta: And so it was. Lighting split the sky, thunder shook the earth, and then all was quiet. The great warrior known as Zorro was gone. The people of the land gave him a hero's funeral, the largest anyone had ever seen. They came from far and wide to say farewell to their brave and noble champion. But don't worry, little Joaquin. Whenever great deeds are remembered, your grandfather will live on. For there must always, always be a Zorro. And some day, when he's needed, we will see him again... on his fearsome steed Tornado, riding like the wind, his sword blazing in the sun... leaping, jumping, swinging through the air... fighting like a lion. Fighting like a tiger. Fighting...
[sees Elena watching him]
Alejandro Murrieta: ...as safely as possible.
Elena: Is this your idea of putting the baby to sleep?

Stupid Soldier: Hey... I thought you were tied up.
Joaquin Murrieta: That is because you are stupid.

Alejandro Murrieta: Look at me, I look like a butterfly. This is the most stupid thing I've ever done.
Don Diego de la Vega: I doubt that.

Zorro: What are you doing in a bar?
Joaquin: What are you doing in jail?
Zorro: I asked you first!

Frey Felipe: Maybe you shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach.
Zorro: Maybe you should wear lipstick if you're gonna act like my mother.

Zorro: [to Joaquin] I don't want to see you breaking anyone else out of jail. Without my permission, of course.

> Top <

Long Way Round

Ewan McGregor: [as Obi-Wan Kenobi] These aren't the bikes you're looking for. Move along.

Ewan McGregor: It's very liberating, three naked men in the wilderness

Ewan McGregor: I was looking at that guy's bum and thinking how nice it was until I realized it was a guy's

Ewan McGregor: There's no "I" in "team", but as Russ pointed out the other day there is a "me".

Ewan McGregor:This is where we meet Brad Pitt. 'What you doing?' 'Making a trip round the world' 'Where you start from?' 'New York.' 'Where you going to?' 'London.' 'Oh shit, when's your show airing?'

Ewan McGregor: [imitating Charleys daughter] What are we doing today, Uncle Ewan?
Well me and your daddy are going out on the bikes. I don't know what you're doing.

Ewan McGregor: I said, "Eve, I want you to look after my wedding ring while I'm away," and she started to cry and I said, "Eve. Eve, I can't wear my ring or I won't get laid on the trip!"

Ewan McGregor: Claudio, there is no problem between Charley and me, Charley tell him.
Charley Boorman: There's a terrible problem with us - we hate each other.

Ewan McGregor: Most people bring a coffee; he brought a *beep* machine gun!

Ewan McGregor: Scots: inventors of the modern world. You're welcome.

Ewan McGregor: Stand aside. You there, stand aside. We're coming through. We're British, don't you know.

Ewan McGregor: [doing a video diary] Where in this place called White Horse... maybe it's not called White Horse.
Ewan McGregor: [takes video to motel room, Charley answers door] Charley.
Charley Boorman: Yeah?
Ewan McGregor: Where are we?
Charley Boorman: In a motel.
Ewan McGregor: No, what's the name of the town?
Charley Boorman: Uh... something donkey. Isn't it? Slim's Donkey or Knuckle Donkey? Starving Donkey! Ur... I donno.
Ewan McGregor: [now inside the motel room] Ok, the upshot is we have no idea where we are. Can't remember the name of the town that we're in. Oh! It might be on the receipt.
[checks receipt]
Ewan McGregor: Hungry Horse!

> Top <

Labyrinth

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.

Jareth: And Hoggle, if she ever kisses you, I'll turn you into a prince.
Hoggle: Y-you will?
Jareth: Prince of the Land of Stench!

Sarah: I can bear it no longer! Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be take this child of mine far away from me!
Goblin: That's not it! Where did she get that rubbish? It doesn't even start with "I wish!"

Hoggle: OH! uh... nothin'.
Jareth: [in disguise] Nothing? NOTHING? NOTHING, tra la la?

Sarah: What exactly have you sworn?
Didymus: I have taken an oath that no one may cross this bridge without my permission.
Sarah: Well... May we have your permission?
Didymus: Well I, uh... I... that is, uh... hm... Yes?

Jareth: You remind me of the babe.
Goblin: What babe?
Jareth: The babe with the power.
Goblin: What power?
Jareth: The power of voodoo.
Goblin: Who do?
Jareth: You do.
Goblin: Do what?
Jareth: Remind me of the babe.

Didymus: Sir Ludo, canst thou summon up the very rocks?
Ludo: Sure. Rocks friends.

The Worm: 'Allo.
Sarah: Did you say... hello?
The Worm: No, I said "'allo," but that's close enough.
Sarah: Oh... you're a worm, aren't you?
The Worm: Yeah, that's right.
Sarah: You don't by any chance know the way through this labyrinth, do you?
The Worm: Who, me? No, I'm just a worm. Say, come inside, and meet the missus.

Jareth: Sarah, go back to your room. Play with your toys and your costumes. Forget about the baby.

Jareth: Everything I've done, I've done for you. I move the stars for no one.

Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous till now and I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that is generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me and I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down.
[shouts]
Jareth: And I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. Isn't that generous?

Sarah: Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me.

Hoggle: You have to understand my position. I'm a coward. And Jareth scares me.
Sarah: What kind of a position is that?
Hoggle: No position! That's my point.

Jareth: Hello, Hedgewart.
Sarah: Hogwart.
Hoggle: Hog-gle!

Sarah: That's not fair!
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

Sarah: You're him, aren't you? You're the Goblin King! I want my brother back, please, if it's all the same.
Jareth: What's said is said.
Sarah: But, I didn't mean it.
Jareth: Oh, you didn't?

The Hat: It's so stimulating being your hat.

Jareth: Well? Laugh.

Statue: Beware!
Hoggle: Forget it
Statue: Oh please I haven't said it in such a long time
Hoggle: Oh alright, but don't expect a big reaction.
Statue: Oh no of course not.
[clears throat]
Statue: The path may lead you to sudden misfortune!

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