'Cats'
Lyrics
Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats
Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark?
Can you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?
Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Are you cock of the walk when you're walking alone?
Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles would
Jellicles would and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?
Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?
Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?
Do you know how to go to the Heavyside Layer?
Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?
Familiar with candle, with book, and with bell?
Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant?
Have you been an alumnus of heaven and hell?
Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?
Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?
Were you there when the Pharaohs commissioned the Sphinx?
If you were and you are, you're a Jellicle Cat!
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Can you sing at the same time in more than one key?
Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss?
And can you, as cats do, begin with a 'C'?
That always triumphantly brings down the house?
Jellicle Cats are queen of the nights
singing at astronomical heights.
Handling pieces from the 'Messiah'
Hallelujah, angelical choir
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity.
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat.'
Life to the everlasting cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true to others who do… what…
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle Cats sing Jellicle chants
Jellicles old and Jellicles new
Jellicle songs and Jellicle dance
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, delphicoracle cats
Skeptical cats, dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle bells that Jellicles ring
Jellicle sharps and Jellicles flats
Jellicle songs that Jellicles sing
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats
There's a man over there with a look of surprise.
As much as to say “Well, now how about that?”
Do I actually see with my own very eyes
a man who's not heard of a Jellicle Cat?
What's a Jellicle Cat? What's a Jellicle Cat? What’s a Jellicle Cat?
The Naming Of Cats
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey
All of them sensible everyday names
There are fancier names, if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter
But all of them sensible everyday names
But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat
But above and beyond there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover
But the cat himself knows and will never confess
When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name
His ineffable, effable, effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name
Name… name… name… name…
Invitation To The Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats meet once a year
at the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice
And the Jellicle Leader will soon appear
and make what is known as the Jellicle Choice
That's when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to different Jellicle Life
Because waiting up there is the Heavyside Layer
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see
And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare
Who will it be? Who will it be?
The Old Gumbie Cat
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
Her coat is of the tabby kind
With tiger stripes and leopard spots
All day she sits beneath the stairs
Or on the steps or on the mat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a gumbie cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat
But… When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
And when all the family's in bed and asleep
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice
”Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice”
So when she has got them lined up on the matting,
She teaches them “music, crocheting and tatting”
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
Her equal would be hard to find
She likes the warm and sunny spots
All day she seats beside the hearth
Or in the sun, or on my hat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat
But… when the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
As she finds that the mice will not ever keep quite
She is sure it is due to “irregular diet”
And believing that “nothing is done without trying”
She sets right to work her baking and frying
She makes them a mouse-cake of bread and dried peas
And a beautiful fry of lean bacon and cheese
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
The curtain cord she likes to wind
And tie it into sailor knots
She sits upon the windowsill
Or anything that's smooth and flat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat
But… when the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
She thinks that the cockroaches “need employment”
To prevent them from “idle and wanton destroyment”
So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts
A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy scouts
”With a purpose in life and a good deed to do”
And she's even created a beetles tattoo
For she's a jolly good fellow!
”Thank you my dears!”
The Rum Tum Tugger
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse
If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat, I would rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any need for me to shout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Tum Tigger is a terrible bore
When you let me in, then I want to go out
I'm always on the wrong side of every door
And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about
I like to lie in the bureau drawer
But I make such a fuss if I can't get out
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any need for you to doubt it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast
My disobliging ways are a matter of habit
If you offer me fish, then I only want a feast
When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit
If you offer me cream, then I sniff and snear
For I only like what I find for myself
So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears
If you put it away on the larder shelf
The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle
But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing
For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any need for me to spout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about… about… about it!
Grizabella: The Glamour Cat
Remark the cat
Who hesitates toward you
In the light of the door
Which opens on her like a grin
You see the border of her coat
Is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye
Twists like a crooked pin
She haunted many a low resort
Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court
She flitted about the No Man's Land
From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand"
And the postman sighed as he scratched his head
"You'd really had thought she ought to be dead"
And who would ever suppose that that…
Was Grizabella, the glamour cat?
Grizabella, the glamour cat
Grizabella, the glamour cat
And who would ever suppose that that…
Was Grizabella, the glamour cat?
Bustopher Jones
Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he's remarkably fat
He doesn't haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs
For he's the St. James Street cat
He's the cat we all greet as we walk down the street
In his coat of fastidious black
No common-place mousers have such well cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names
Is the name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
My visits are occasional to the senior educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the joint superior schools
For a similar reason, when game is in season
I’m found not at Fox’s but Blimp’s
I am frequently seen at the gay Stage and Screen
Which is famous for winkles and shrimps
In the season of ven’son I give my ben’son
To the Pothunter’s succulent bones
And just before noon’s not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the Drones
When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese or at the Glutton
When I look full of gloom then I've lunched at the Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names
Is the name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
So much in this way passes Bustopher's day
At one club or another he's found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round
He's a twenty-five pounder or I am a bounder
And he's putting on weight every day
But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine and I'd say
I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time
That's the word from this stoutest of cats
It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats
Mungojerrie And Rumpleteazer
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
We’re a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
We have an extensive reputation
We make our home in Victoria Grove
This is merely our center of operation
For we are incurably given to rove
We are very well known in Cornwall Gardens
In Launceston Place and in Kensington Square
We have really a little more reputation
Than a couple of cats can very well bear
If the area window is found ajar
And the basement lookes like a field of war
If a tile or two come loose on the roof
Which presently fails to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests
And you can't find one of your winter vests
If after supper one of the girls
Suddenly misses her Woolworth pearls
Then the family will say: "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time, they leave it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
have a very unusual gift of the gab
We are highly efficient cat burgulars as well
And remarkably smart at a smash and grab
We make our home in Victoria Grove
We have no regular occupation
We are plausible fellows who like to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation
When the family assembles for Sunday dinner
With their minds made up that they won't get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that is broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
Then the family will say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time they leave it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
have a wonderful way of working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
We go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person can take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
And when you hear a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash
Or down from the library there comes a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
Then the family will say, "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer"
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!
Old Deuteronomy
Old Deuteronomy?
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy.
Well, of all things can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrieves
And the village is proud of him in his decline
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
The oldest inhabitant croaks
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy.
Old Deuteronomy sits in the streets
He sits on high street on market day
The bullocks may bellow, the sheep they may bleet
But the dogs and the herdsmen will turn them away
The cars and the lorries run over the kerb
And the villagers put up a note "Road Closed"
so that nothing untoward may chance to disturb
Deuteronomy's rest when he feels so disposed.
The digestive repose of that feline's gastronomy
Must never be broken, whatever befall
And the oldest inhabitant croaks
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy.
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy.
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy
The Awful Battle Of The Pekes And The Pollicles
Of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat
The Pekes and the Pollicles everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate foes
It is always the same wherever one goes
And the Pugs and the Poms althought most people say
That they do not like fighting yet once in a way
They now and again join into the fray
And they bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke
The big Police Dog was away from his beat
I don't know the reason but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington's Arms for a drink
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet
They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet
And started to bark bark bark bark Bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
And they bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Now the Peke although people may say what they please
Is no British Dog but a heathen Chinese
And so all the Pekes when they heard the uproar
Some came to the window, some came to the door
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery heathen Chinese
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke
There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian
And even from China and Spain
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who walks on a chain
And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again.
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters
And so they stepped out with their pipers in order
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border
Then the Pug and the Poms held no longer aloof
But some from the balcony some from the roof
Join into the din with a
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Huffery snuffery huffery snuffery
huffery snuffery huffery snuff
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Now! When these bold heroes together assembled
The traffic all stopped and the Underground trembled
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade
When suddenly up from the a small basement flat
Why who should stalk out but the Great Rumpus Cat
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing
And when he looked out through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier
And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep
And when the Police Dog returned to his beat
There wasn't a single one left in the street
All hail and all power to the Great Rumpus Cat!
Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle Cats are black and white
Jellicle Cats are rather small
Jellicle Cats are merry and bright
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul
Jellicle Cats have cheerful faces
Jellicle cats have bright black eyes
We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise
Jellicle Cats develop slowly
Jellicle cats are not too big
Jellicle cats are roly-poly
We know how to dance a Gavotte and a jig
Until the Jellicle Moon appears
We make our toilette and take our repose
Jellicles wash behind their ears
Jellicles dry between their toes
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack
Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes
We're quiet enough in the morning hours
We're quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats as we said are small
If it happens to be a stormy night
We will practice a caper or two in the hall
If it happens the sun is shining bright
You would say we had nothing to do at all
We are resting and saving ourselves to be right
For the Jellicle Moon and the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball
Memory
You see the border of her coat
Is torn and stained with sand.
And you see the corner of her eye twist
Like a crooked pin
Midnight, not a sound from the pavement.
Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning.
Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning.
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
The Moments Of Happiness
The moments of happiness
We had the experience, but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning restores the experience
In a different form beyond any meaning
We can assign to happiness
The past experience revived in the meaning
Is not the experience of one life only
But of many generations
Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable
Moonlight
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Gus: The Theatre Cat
Gus is the cat at the theatre door
His name, as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, but that's such a fuss to pronounce
That we usually call him just Gus
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the Smartest of Cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the Halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls
But his greatest creation as he loves to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell
I have played in my time every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
I knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
In the pantomime season, I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat
But my grandest creation, as history will tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell
Then if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance, he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat
And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop
And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
Well, the theatre is certainly not what is was
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell
I once crossed the stage on a telegraph wire
To rescue a child when a house was on fire
And I think that I still can much better than most
produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost
And I once played Growltiger, could do it again
Could do it again, could do it again…
Growltiger's Last Stand
Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge
In fact, he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large
From Gravesend up to Oxford, he pursued his evil aims
Rejoicing in his title of the 'Terror of the Thames’
His manners and appearance did not calculate to please
His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees
One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why
And he scowled upon a hostile world
From one forbidding eye
The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame
At Hammersmith and Putney
People shuddered at his name
They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose
When the rumor ran along the shore
Growltiger's on the loose!
Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage
Woe to the pampered Pekinese
That faced Growltiger's rage
Woe to the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships
And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips
But most to cats of foreign race
His hatred had been vowed
To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed
The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear
Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear
Now on a peaceful summer night
All nature seemed at play
The tender moon was shining bright
The barge at Molsey lay
All in the balmy moonlight, it lay rocking on the tide
And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side
The forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger stood alone
Concentrating my attention on the lady Griddlebone
And my raffish crew were sleeping
In their barrels and their bunks
As the Siamese came creeping
In their sampans and their junks
Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught, but Griddlebone
And the lady seemed enraptured by my manly baritone
Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise
But the moonlight shone reflected
From a thousand bright blue eyes
And closer still and closer the Sampans circled 'round
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound
The foe was armed with toasting forks
And cruel carving knives
And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives
[The Ballad Of Billy McCaw]
Then Genghis gave the signal
To his fierce Mongolian hordes
Abandoning their sampans
The chinks they swarmed aboard
Abandoning their sampans
Their pullaways, their junks
They battened down the hatches
On the crew within their bunks
Then Griddlebone, she gave a screech
For she was badly skeered
I am sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared
She probably escaped with ease
I'm sure she was not drowned
But a serried ring of flashing steel
Growltiger did surround
The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank
Growltiger to his vast surprise
Was forced to walk the plank
He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop
At the end of all his crimes was forced to go kerflip, kerflop
There was joy in Wapping
When the news flew through the land
At Maidenhead and Henley
There was dancing on the strand
Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock
And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history...
The Ballad Of Billy McCaw
Oh, how well I remember the old Bull and Bush
Where we used to go down of a Sattaday night
Where, when anything happened, it came with a rush
For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite
A very nice house, from basement to garret
A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parret
The parret, the parret named Billy M'Caw
That brought all those folk to the bar
Ah! He was the life of the bar
Of a Sattaday night, we was all feeling bright
And Lily LaRose, the barmaid that was
She'd say "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us
Come give us a dance on the bar"
And Billy would dance on the bar
And Billy would dance on the bar
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer
Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head
She wouldn't have nothick, no not that much said
If it came to an argument or a dispute
She'd settle it offhand with the toe of her boot
Or as likely as not put her fist through your eye
But when we was happy and just a bit dry
Or when we was thirsty, and just a bit sad
She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had
And say "Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!"
And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute
And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer
"Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!"
Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar
And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer
"Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!"
Ah! He was the life of the bar
Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat
Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train
There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty-nine
When the night mail's ready to depart
Saying "Skimble, where is Skimble?
Has he gone to hunt the thimble?
We must find him or the train can't start!"
All the guards and all the porters
And the stationmaster's daughters
Would be searching high and low
Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble?
For unless he's very nimble,
Then the night mail just can't go!"
At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue
And the passengers all frantic to a man
That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear
I'd been busy in the luggage van!
Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes
And the signal went "All clear!"
They'd be off at last for the northern part
Of the Northern Hemisphere
Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train
You might say that by and large
It was me who was in charge
Of the Sleeping Car Express
From the driver and the guards
To the bagmen playing cards
I would supervise them all more or less
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in the first and the third
He established control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred
He would watch you without winking
And he saw what you were thinking
And it's certain that he didn't approve
Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet
When Skimble was about and on the move
You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks
He's a cat that couldn't be ignored
So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail
When Skimbleshanks was aboard
It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den
With their name written up on the door
And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet on
And not a speck of dust on the floor
There was every sort of light you make it dark or bright
And a button you could turn to make a breeze
And a funny little basin
You're supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze
Then the guard looked in politely
And would ask you very brightly
"Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?"
But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong
When they crept into their cozy berth
And pulled the counterpane
They ought to reflect that it was very nice
To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice
They can leave all that to the Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train
Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train
In the watches of the night, I was always fresh and bright
Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of scotch
While I was busy keeping on the watch
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea
They were fast asleep at Crewe
And so they never knew
That I was walking up and down the station
They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle
Where I met the stationmaster with elation!
They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police
If there was anything they ought to know about
When they got to Gallowgate
There they did not have to wait
For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out
And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says, "I'll see you again"
You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The cat of the railway train.
You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The cat of the railway train
Macavity: The Mystery Cat
Macavity!
Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the Hidden Paw
For he's a master criminal who can defy the law
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard
The Flying Squad's despair
For when they reach the scene of crime
Macavity's not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare
And when you reach the scene of crime
Macavity's not there
You may seek him in the basement
You may look up in the air
But I tell you once and once again
Macavity's not there!
Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin
You would know him if you saw him
For his eyes are sunken in
His brow is deeply lined in thought
His head is highly domed
His coat is dusty from neglect
His whiskers are uncombed
He sways his head from side to side
With movements like a snake
And when you think he's half asleep
He's always wide awake!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street
You may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered
Then Macavity's not there!
He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats at cards
And his footprints are not found
In any files of Scotland Yard's
And when the larder's looted or the jewel case is rifled
Or when the milk is missing or another Peke's been stifled
Or the greenhouse glass is broken
And the trellis past repair
There's the wonder of the thing
Macavity's not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare
Whatever time the deed took place
Macavity wasn't there!
And they say that all the cats
Whose wicked deeds are widely known
I might mention Mungojerrie
I might mention Griddlebone
Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time
Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street
You may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity…
Macavity… Macavity… Macavity…
When a crime's discovered
Then Macavity's not there!
Macavity's not there!
We have to find Old Deuteronomy…
Mister Mistoffelees
You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees
The original Conjuring Cat
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffolees Conjuring Turn.
And we all say:
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
He is quiet, he is small, he is black
From the ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
And if you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it is merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment and then it is gone
But you find it next week lying on the lawn
And we all say:
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
His manner is vague and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But his voice has been heard on the roof
When he was curled up by the fire
And it has sometimes been heard by the fire
When he was about on the roof
At least they all heard that somebody purred
Which is uncontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers
And I've known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours
While he was asleep in the hall
And not long ago, this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
And we all say:
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
And not long ago, this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
And we all say:
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
The marvellous, the magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Memory II
Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day
Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle Life
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you, open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory of my days in the sun
If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun
The Journey To The Heavyside Layer
Up, up, up past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer
Up, up, up past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer
Up, up, up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up up to the Heaviside Layer
Up, up, up past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer
Up, up, up past the Jellicle Moon
Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer
Up, up, up past the Jellicle Moon
Up, up, up, up to the Heaviside Layer
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat'
Life to the everlasting cat!
The Ad-Dressing Of Cats
You've heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
To understand our character
You've learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and habitat
But how would you ad-dress a cat?
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: a cat is not a dog
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: a cat is not a dog
Now dogs pretend they like to fight
They often bark, more seldom bite
But yet a dog is, on the whole
What you would call a simple soul
The usual dog about the town
Is much inclined to play the clown
And far from showing too much pride
Is frequently undignified
He's such an easy-going lout
He'll answer any hail or shout
The usual dog about the town
Is inclined to play the clown
Again I must remind you that
A dog's a dog; a cat's a cat
With cats, some say one rule is true
Don't speak 'til you are spoken to
Myself, I do not hold with that
I say you should ad-dress a cat
But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity
You bow, and taking off your hat
Ad-dress him in this form: "Oh, Cat!"
Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend
A little token of esteem is needed like a dish of cream
And you might now and then supply
Some caviar or Straussburg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He's sure to have his personal taste
And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name
A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat
A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat
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